Good, Better, Best, Never let it rest!

dsc_5995GOOD, BETTER, BEST … NEVER LET IT REST!

I’ve moved from a crazy culture that seems always to be in an urgent hurry, to one that isn’t.  And I’m loving it.  I tried the good, better … but was never the ‘best’ – of course!  So like a dog chasing its tail, I never got to where I (thought I) wanted to be.  I didn’t get that prized tenure, I was judged ‘not good enough’ for every job I applied for.  I saw the people that got that prize, and it didn’t look like much fun.  Because there is always another hurdle before you get to the next prize.  And another after that.

I don’t know a lot about Buddhist culture but it seems to me that in comparison to the one I’ve left, where you must achieve NOW! or at least in this life time – after all, it’s the only one we’ve got, there is a different way.  If I don’t get it right in this lifetime, I’ve got another chance.  Another lifetime.  I will try, but I won’t have lost anything by not reaching that prize.  Because I can try again in the next life time.  And the next.  And the next…

I interpret this to be equivalent to making the most out of what we have – now.  To see merit from good actions, leading a good life, rather than simply to judge and be judged on ‘success’ or ‘failure’.

Slow down.  Live a good life.  Be kind.  Be generous.  Do the best you can. And forgive yourself.

Personal Health & Wellbeing – surely it takes precedence?

Today I was sitting in my Lao language class and I realised that I’d forgotten to reload my pump (insulin supply) and it had run out.  I was running on empty.  I mentioned this to my colleague Susan, who has been fully briefed on potential issues for a diabetic and she said – you must go now and fix it up.  Thank you Susan.

Wow.  I thought about how many times I’ve sat in classes, meetings, doing busy work or whatever situation – even socially with friends, colleagues etc., and put my own (diabetic) needs last.  No I can’t let my diabetes be an inconvenience to others, I must keep going and then when I do get the chance to fix things up, I deal with the consequences on my own.  The soaring out-of-control blood sugar levels, the ‘hypo hangover’, the difficulties in getting the body into catch up mode.  The panic and distraction of trying to work out where I might get a syringe from, how I might get my levels back under control, how I might get home myself to access my supplies.  And I’ve done all this on the quiet because I never wanted to bother anyone!  I didn’t want my ‘problems’ to become other people’s problem.

So after 40 years of having diabetes, for virtually the first time I have been given the permission to prioritise my health and wellbeing over everything else.  I have a whole action contingency plan (under medical insurance) so that if I need to get specialised help, I will.  Other people who might be able to get me over the boarder to Thailand or to better health care have been briefed.  I have a whole team that is actually at the ready to take care of my health needs if it became necessary.

After a life of ‘looking after myself’, and not wanting to bother anyone with my condition(s), and never wanting to appear to be any more helpless than anyone else (when in actual fact I have virtually never taken time off work due to my chronic condition(s) – no work/no pay being partly the reason!), I have finally found my self in a position where I feel entitled to put my health and well-being needs first.  And this is as a volunteer in a developing country.  What is wrong with our ‘first world/Western’ mentality that it has taken me this long to feel that I can?

A #T1D Diabetic in Laos for a year

Diabetes is damned hard work and a persistent pain.  It can be hard enough moving to a new country, new language, new ways of understanding the world, and new food options, without the blood sugar levels (BSLs) going completely  and utterly crazy!

I managed to travel with no problems carrying a whole case of medications as hand luggage (+helmet, +laptop, +essentials).  The case was only checked once in Bangkok, by a very efficient airport official who checked through and opened some packets with her rubber gloved hands.  I had my explanatory letter ready and it really was no problem.

When I got to the hotel I filled the bar fridge with my insulin and other items needing refrigeration, and let the staff know not to turn the fridge power off.  Still living in (another) hotel I haven’t yet been able to properly unpack and consolidate my supplies so I still don’t really know what I’ll run out of – but as per my earlier post #T1D diabetic supplies for a year  I know I will.

So my blood sugar levels and insulin requirements have plummeted since arrival.  I try to surmise why this might be, and whether it is transient, or more longer term.  Some possible reasons:

  • Constant state of excitement and joy!
  • Low level but constant underlying stress
  • The heat and humidity
  • Food – eating less, and changes in diet
  • Beer Lao – insulin replacement therapy?
  • (Slightly) more exercise, exertion

Really though, it could be anything!  Hormones?  Body trying to cure itself?  …

So being on an insulin pump, where I have a constant set basal level of short acting insulin, onto which I would bolus a dose if I eat carbohydrates, or to correct a higher bsl, I have already lowered my basal (24hr dose) from 20 to 17 units of humalog, and hardly bolused at all, even when I do eat, because my bsl is already too low.

To cut a long story short, I need to constantly monitor my bsl using my meter and my precious supply of blood testing strips – of which I was only permitted to order 11 boxes from NDSS when I left Australia.  So the saga continues and I’m still pissed off about it – that my short and long term control over my health is hampered by my own country’s medical system that would not allow or assist me to get the supplies I needed before I left.  Again, still a work in progress … T1D and its persistent struggles …

 

Laos Update – and apologies for the neglect… (Day 13!)

Aura Residences, Savannakhet, Laos 13th September 2016

http://www.booking.com/hotel/la/aura-residence.html

Check it out – it’s great!  All amenities, compact studio apartments, well located to walk to centre, all new, air con and excellent free wifi!  And we’re here for the next month…

  1. Finally got a decent internet service that can cope with WordPress!
  2. Starting to work out how to organise, sort, name, upload my photos…
  3. Moved to Savannakhet (5 hours drive south from Vientane)
  4. Been busy settling in:
    • looking for long term housing,
    • meeting work colleagues,
    • finding our way around town,
    • meeting locals and expats around town
    • keeping up with social media (phew is that ever hard work!)
    • Laos language lessons
    • finding decent coffee to drink (I’m not really fussy but it’s been fun trying)
  5. Completing our ‘in-country briefing’  5+ hours in the car and more…
  6. Did I mention drinking coffee, drinking beer, and socialising?

As you can tell, busy on important stuff!  I know I will have more time to do what I want to do with this site but for now, excuse my neglectful absence.  Still writing a lot in my journal, taking pictures, exploring the food and shopping options.  Cooking some meals and eating a range of different food out about town.  Having lots of conversations with people from around the world, and Lao people with more or less exposure to Westerners.

And to finish off, a collection of coffee shots from Vientiane (more on my mobile phone still to come – this uploading and formatting is taking me a long long time!)

Day 1: First Day in Vientiane, Lao PDR

Thursday 1st September

Adjusting from the end of a rather mild Melbourne winter to a steamy hot Lao end-of-wet season climate.  I think I’ve been craving it for weeks (years?) now, and hey, you get used to sweating and washing a few times a day.  Loving it!

Breakfast buffet of cold eggs and French bread, sour mandarins and banana on offer.  I should get used to the more filling rice and vege type Asian breakfasts – smelt good but my psyche says No!  And weak coffee with powdered milk.

Opened bank account…

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Lunch with my colleagues and Steve (my sister’s friend from Perth here on business).  Bank, set up phone, kip for spending Aaah, cool breeze, reasonable temperature ~27 degrees.  Everything is making sense.  Loving it.

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Our guided tour with Seuth [Lao Horizons Travel] – an excellent English speaker who worked as a teacher before.  And spent 7 years aged 13-20 as a monk learning ‘morality’.  He thinks it is very good that schools are now building moral teachings into their curriculum.  A very informative afternoon.

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Stupa and statue (update with proper name!)

 

 

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Lots of old French Colonial influences
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Dried Squid – from Vietnam

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Beer Lao 640ml (5% alc/vol)                        10,000 kip

 

Honghua cigarettes (20)                               3,000 kip

A grand total of 13,000 kip (about $2AUD) and I’m one happy chappy!

First Post from Lao PDR

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All so good, all so happy!!!  My Room with a private balcony at Hotel Lao.  Perfect.

Started off at 3.30 am on Wed. 31st August with my baggage for a year.  Met up with Susan who will also be working in Savannakhet and almost 24 hours later, put my head down on the pillow in my French Colonial style hotel room for a dead to the world sleep.  Phew!  No disasters, just lots of queuing, waiting, walking (never knew how big Bangkok airport actually was!) queuing, and transiting.  Oh, and more queuing.   Some thoughts I noted down on the trip…

It’s been difficult staying set on my goals with all these goodbyes and unknowns.  Matilda and Pol, dad, Rob and Helen and Rani this morning – they all matter so much to me and there’s no promise that I’ll see dad again – he’s so tired…

2hrs from Bangkok:  I’ve been dozing for hours.  Thoughts slowing down.  I remember feeling guilty, no, selfish.  Dad seems to have come to terms with me leaving by concocting a story that I was working for the govt., taking on a very important role as a representative of Australia and tax payers.  He made me out to be generous and altruistic.  I’m glad he’s made sense of it this way, but when I reflect I can’t help but think that I’m simply being selfish.  I’m going where I want to go and doing what I want to do, and deserting my family in the process.

In fact I dread the idea of living at a snail’s pace [in Melbourne] simply to keep things humming along in the same way.  My ambitions have never been to simply succeed and maintain the status quo, or to get the most excellent job and work my way to the top.  Sure there’s been moments when I’ve applied for jobs and imagined such a life but I never get it.  And if I did, I can imagine the initial interest/passion would soon wane.  [Life is too precious].

Last leg – Flight to Vientiane

I’m not quite ‘getting’ that I’m embarking on a year away, working in a strange country and culture, away from familiar ‘comforts’ of home.  Yet I’m excited but I’m sort of resigned to it – I decided this was what I wanted to do, and now I’m almost there.

This is where I wonder about my selfish motives.  But then again, it is not as though I ignore the potential impact it may have on my kids (I actually believe it is a wonderful thing for them too).  I probably ignore, or just cannot know, the impact it might have on me [or them].  I don’t have ‘planned outcomes’ – generally it is unknowable.  Like so many other decisions we do or don’t make – we don’t know how it will turn out, or impact on all those involved.  But business/management – even teaching/education, is full of ‘outcomes’.  A ‘good’ project will be one with specified outcomes and steps to achieve those delineated results.  Is that really what life is about?  And why is it that I am always so keen to talk about ‘life’, rather than career, earning potential, possessions, reputation?